Pacific Northwest District of the Unitarian Universalist Association
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COOLING CONFLICT IN CONGREGATIONS
by Rev. Carol McKinley, for the PNWD Healthy Congregations Team
From: May 2007

Conflict in congregations, and in every aspect of our lives, arises normally. Our differing opinions and feelings about what should be done in the religious education program, worship services, the annual stewardship drive or other activities can lead to uncomfortable interactions that can escalate into destructive conflict. With good leadership and attention, those conflicts that begin as problems to solve can encourage creative solutions.

The Pacific Northwest District’s Healthy Congregations Team consults with member congregations to facilitate health and healing by helping them move from contentiousness to constructive conversation. Our team’s mission statement says, “When conflict occurs, we view it as an opportunity to facilitate congregation’s creativity and capacity to engage diverse viewpoints and values with skill and grace.”

There is such a thing as healthy conflict, and it can actually lead to personal and congregational growth. The important term is healthy conflict. Learning to value healthy conflict is key to your religious community’s continuing development.

Here’s an example of how one congregation is doing this. Following the development in 2005 of a congregational policy on conflicts that grew out of its Covenant of Right Relations, the Olympia UU Congregation’s Conflict Management Team was created to: 1. provide training and other conflict management services; 2. publicize the team’s services and the congregation’s conflict policy; 3. evaluate the team’s processes and seek feedback; and 4. help the Committee on Ministry assess the ministry of the church.

Creation of a congregational conflict management team, like the creation of covenants of right relationship, is advisable only when a congregation is not experiencing a heightened level of conflict. Rather than being formed as a hasty response to a specific conflict, the policy and team develop basic principles that address conflict and help congregations recognize the creative benefits of conflict.

OUUC’s policy was developed during a yearlong process. It covers disputes or disagreements among members, friends, ministers, and staff. The Committee on Ministry invited members known to be good listeners to serve on the Conflict Management Team; each member had dispute management skills or was willing to receive training.

The team contracted with Thurston County’s Dispute Resolution Center for a customized training that included basic communication skills, conflict types, conflict resolution models, and the role of the neutral third party. The team plans to share its learnings with the congregation through worship services, new member classes, and leadership meetings

Like all relational work, conflict management is a work in progress. It is not a magic formula that dissolves congregational conflict. However, it does offer a way to help us value healthy conflict as part of our continuing development as a religious community.

Healthy, thriving congregations don’t happen by accident.  They are built by people who are intentional in their desire to create together a faith community that lives and models its values.

For more information about addressing conflict in your congregation, or for help in forming a conflict management team, contact the District Office for a referral to the PNWD Healthy Congregations Team.